Humble beginnings of a music-related newsletter

With a podcast to follow sometime in the near-ish future...

I started this newsletter to create an intentional writing practice that forces me to slow down, while also creating something worthy of sending to actual subscribers. These letters are going to be whatever I happen to steal away from my free-writing space that follows some sort of coherent train of thought. But as a freshly unmasked autistic truly finding her voice at 39 years old, you can bet that the train will make a few unscheduled stops here and there among the essays to be posted in these letters in future.

It is likely that I cut large swaths of the original manuscript in the digital edit. It may not flow well, darting from topic to unrelated topic, being written over the course of days. What I will not do is rant. Good vibes or neutral ones only. I’ll offload any negative baggage elsewhere, like in a Google Doc that I can parse for any useful bits and bobs, then erase it. I’ll refrain from more general platitudes, however, as I want to be specific in channeling the parts of my consciousness that remain relatively unexplored in essay form.

I want to explore some new territory that’s a bit too unstructured for a more polished essay, and I've deprioritized the crafting of "proper" essays anyhow. I just write, try to then stitch the various sentences and paragraphs into an order that makes sense, then just send it. Like what I am looking to do with these Vibrations letters, but even more personal and intimate than anything I’ve ever published online before. I don't really have a specific plan of attack at the moment, but there are three particular topics that will come up on a regular basis.

First off, and I’ve definitely buried the lede pretty deeply here, this is a primarily music-related newsletter. In it, I will be discussing recent releases, my own discoveries, and lukewarm to relatively hot takes on a few songs here and there. But I also am going to not shy away from the fact that I am an absolutely obsessed audiophile with eclectic musical tastes with a special focus on lyrical content. It should also be noted that as an individual born with XXY chromosomes, female-presenting, I am also considered trans. But despite being married to a woman, intersex herself but with an XX-chromosomal condition, I am not a lesbian, despite bowing to the label reluctantly in the past. The way I see it, love is love, regardless of gender.

But this is my coming out: I am a woman (who is considered trans even if she doesn’t feel that way) who may not “pass” by the traditional “femme standards” but in any case, I am STRAIGHT. In that, yes, I do like men, but have zero interest in dating them right now! Although I am open to experimenting here and there if I come across the right soul. I suppose you could say I’m pansexual, which is a fair enough label, but I’m quite hesitant to adopt any label besides “autistic phoenix.”

Last year, I intended to start an indie music podcast, but before I ever recorded anything, I put the project on indeterminate hiatus. Because of various unfortunate circumstances, my relationship with certain indie artists souring and some ending entirely, among focusing on more personal matters, the podcast was completely scrapped.

But not the title of the project. I still intended to create a music-themed content pipeline, however, and I did some work on that front in the form of deep dives on popular albums and songs that I like. Much of it was repurposed from the previous podcast project. But I abandoned that, too. I figured that the world doesn’t need another podcast. Never mind another newsletter. Still, I like email as a medium, so I still entertained the idea for the past few months.

Well, now here we are. The title of the podcast is still yet to be finalized, as I am going to be doing this podcast the correct way with a professional podcast producer with considerable experience in launching successful shows. This is gonna be a show separated into seasons of probably 10-12 episodes each that release on a weekly basis during a three-month stretch. I won’t promise specific schedules beyond that, because as an autistic, I don’t want to put myself in too much of a bind by overcommitting, plus what if an interview opportunity presents itself? Those could fill in any gaps between seasons! I like talking, so hopefully we can look forward to talking to some unexpectedly well-known names at some point.

While mostly I’ll be discussing my thoughts and impressions of various musical projects, especially when it comes to vibes and lyrics, I also want to have a sort of subplot lurking in the background. This is the de-stigmatization of autism. And also queerness. I’d argue that autism and LGBTQIA+ folks are both a sort of queer that is still marginalized by the heteronormative majority. And while I identify strongly as a woman who is for all intents and purposes nominally heterosexual, because I have some extra chromosomes, I’m firmly labeled trans. And I’m not going to dismiss that label, and I do in fact wear it as a badge of honor for overcoming the patriarchy’s attempts to batter me into submission.

I will be open to answering any and all incoming questions, provided they aren't solicitations not directly related to musical projects. I'll respond to any that don't sound particularly LLM-esque but I currently seek no remuneration or financial support from these letters. Any paid content to come will be of more of a deep-dive variety, just to make the time I spend ferreting down rabbit holes somewhat worth the effort. Just share among your friends, I eschew all forms of social media outside of YouTube and Tumblr. But please feel free to share these ramblings wherever you please, even on Reddit for what it's worth…

I want this newsletter to become more of a conversation starter about music and how it has shaped our lives. As you’ll learn in future issues, my own personal music journey is rather eclectic, with humble beginnings in American Country Countdown every weekend, transitioning into Top 40 of the late 90’s and early 2000’s, and branching out into metal, hard rock, pop-punk, indie rock, and eventually… Well, we’ll get there soon enough!

But more importantly, I will be sharing my own autistic unmasking journey with you that was facilitated by music. It’s the most powerful tool we have available to us in terms of improving ourselves and those around us. And that is key. Music is a universal language that autistics, other neurodivergent folks, and neurotypicals alike can use to interface with one another across otherwise tenuous communication channels. Music is truly magical and I want to spread the magic far and wide with this newsletter and the upcoming podcast. Just as Olivia Rodrigo sang on OR3, "I’ve got real big expectations.”

If there is any particular artist, album, or song you’d like me to cover, feel free to reply to this letter. I’m always seeking new vibrations for my own auditory stimulation, so let’s all muse about music together! And if you’re autistic, queer, or otherwise a bird of a different color, welcome to the festival of light, love, and laughter I’m looking to run here over the next however long I can keep this up!

With wit and whimsy,

Amelia Desertsong